Meeting this week with my niece

This week I saw my niece.  My immediate family and I had a falling out two years ago and we haven't spoken to each other since.  My niece came to my work and my initial reaction was to snap at her "What are you doing here?"  To her credit, she handled it with grace and said she wanted to talk to me.  She asked if I'd be around at noon and I said my lunch time was at 1pm.  She came back at 12:30pm.  We talked a while and  she told me some things.  My dad was in a wheelchair short term due to a leg injury and a hip problem but he has recovered and is walking and back at work.   My nephew is moving to Iowa in a few months with his girlfriend and a friend of his.  My sister and brother in law are doing ok as they can be.  Unfortunately my niece and her husband are partially separated and may be doing so permanently.   I told her that I had prostate cancer surgery last September and that I was still recovering.  I also told her about the fire in our building this past January 8th.  We had a nice chat and after a bit, I told her I had to get back to work.   When she left, I felt emotionally better than I have in a very long time.  I had some semblance of peace.   The family feels the impact of our falling out as I do and is respectfully giving me time and space.  Some family members can never be forgiven for what they did but others have some hope.   I'm tired of being intimidated and I'm tired of being walked on so while there is little hope of reconciliation,  there is a release, a letting go.  This is real progress so I'm glad I talked to my niece AND as long as she remains respectful, she can return to where I work and we can talk more. 

Xanax

I was put on Xanax in 1987.   It was supposed to take the edge of panic attacks until I could seek therapeutic help.  I have been on it for over twenty years but I've since learned that one should not take Xanax for more than a few weeks.  After that time, either therapy should have taken effect or another medication be used. The new medication should be begun, hopefully,  with fewer side effects and lesser chance of addiction. Here I am, more than a couple decades later, weaning off Xanax.  I've weaned from .5 four times a day to a half tablet of .25 taken twice a day.   All of this has taken a couple of years.  I have to cut it down a half tablet at a time, wait for the effects of that weaning to cease and do it again.   It's a slow process, not helped by life's crises.   I suspect I should be down to .125 mg at bedtime by mid-summer and off Xanax by the end of summer or early Winter 2012.   I feel for anyone put on Xanax and not removed in short order.  Substituting Klonopin or Activan for Xanax is no substitution either.  Ativan is stronger than Xanax and Klonopin lasts longer in the blood stream.  Make no mistake about it, Ativan and Klonopin are addictive as well.  

Emergency dentist visit

Yesterday, I treated myself to a Whopper meal from Burger King at lunchtime.  As I was finishing my fries, I felt pain in my mouth and realized I broke a tooth. I took a half-day off work and  I quickly got myself to a phone to call my dentist.  He was unavailable and the receptionist asked if I wanted to make an appointment for Monday.  I told her I needed immediate care.  She did some research and suggested another dentist.  I  did a little research of my own and found one not far from work.  After about a half-hour of getting the group number of the dentist and a fax number to give to my insurance to get the referral through, I set up the appointment.  It was on the 20th floor of an office building. They had me fill out some paperwork then set about xraying the offending tooth.  The dentist told me the tooth was cracked and had to go.  I took a Xanax then the dentist shot my upper palate and gums with Novocaine.  About ten minutes later, the dentist then began pulling the tooth.  The scariest part was the Novocaine not only froze the area around the tooth but also the lower eyelid of my left eye and my left nostril.  I guess the nerves are all connected.  The extraction took about an hour.  I had a few moderate panic attacks but I kept it together quite well.  Afterward, there was a period of cleaning up.  My left side upper jaw was swollen and there was some blood left on my lips.  I was given prescriptions for pain killers (Tylenol 3 with codeine) and an antibiotic (Amoxicillin).  I left the building after paying the bill, walked about three blocks to Walgreens, got my meds, and took a cab home.  I was told the Novocaine would take about 2-3 hours to wear off..yeah right, it took nearly SEVEN hours.  I guess I'm getting mentally stronger enduring this without much additional Xanax.   It is now nearly 12 hours since extraction and while I feel sore, I'm doing very well.