As of Monday March 28, I'm going to use the bathrooms in the UIC main building and practice using the urinals. I will bring plenty of water to drink and I can use the lunchroom for breaks between attempts. It's a semi-busy bathroom especially during school hours and I want to try to use a urinal when there are others using them too. I want this to be a good first step to returning to work. I'm still trying to figure out my status there but even if I return for one day then either quit or get fired, I will have proven I can handle it. That's my goal. I hope to reach it.
One of the things I've done is gotten rid of all the toxic relationships I was in. That opens up a lot of room for new and healthier relationships with new and healthier individuals. I pray this is the start of a new happier time for me. I'm 43 and Lord knows I'm overdue for some happiness. I'm still looking for a new job and exploring the possibility of making the same money, if not more, with a work from home job. Don't misunderstand me. Even if I did have a work from home job, I wouldn't stay home. I'd work my eight hours then on weekends and on any day off I take (or get, however that works), I'll be outta here exploring the city and planning vacations. I guess one thing I need to do eventually is define the kind of life I want and what "normal" means to me and how to get from where I am to where I want to be. That's not going to be easy.
I've never had a normal life. It's always been strife with anxiety. I can't even imagine life without panic attacks. I am, however, looking forward to it. Maybe,just maybe, I will eventually be able to use my mental tools without the benefit of medication. That would be nice.
