On June 26th of this year, I was arrested. Some woman on the train to work thought I was taking her picture with my cell phone and I wasn't so she turned me in and I was arrested and processed. On July 30th, I went to court and my case was dismissed since my accuser didn't show up. However she was given 140 days to reinstate the charges and then 20 days later I can begin expungement procedures to have my arrest record deleted but it will cost me $136. The more important part is that while locked up, I endured being locked up for nine hours 45 minutes without food, medication, phone call and without much water. I was not alone as there were other arrestees there but nobody I could trust to keep me calm and I had no access to my support system which means it was me vs me. I had to find a way to keep calm by myself. While I did suffer some stress-related after effects, the event has made me a stronger person because I missed two doses of my Xanax and one of Prozac and I had no problems and was able to keep myself calm. That is a huge accomplishment.
I learned that I don't need to worry myself about what others think. What I think about myself is most important. Everyone else is free to think as they will. Getting scared, upset, or angry is a choice and I don't have to choose to be any of these things. For example, when I get a phone call that something terrible has happened to someone I love, I wait to see what shape they are in and how dire their situation is before I react. In the interim, it makes no sense to get all upset. As for gossips and those who talk behind my back, I honestly have no desire to know what they are saying. It doesn't matter to me. I'd rather be left in the dark. Also I would rather people not spare my feelings and tell me the truth. I'd rather have the harsh truth than a soft lie. The secret to finding peace is to know yourself and set your own boundaries. Once you've done that, you have to enforce the boundaries. In the real world, laws are no good if the authorities don't enforce them. It's the same with your own boundaries. You get upset only if you let yourself get upset. There are situations where you genuinely are justified in getting upset, angry, hurt, or scared but once the situation has passed and/or resolved, then you need to let it go. The woman who had me arrested, I'm sure, has gone on with her life. The police who made the arrest have moved onto other arrests. The only one who spent months dwelling on that incident was me and for a while I missed the lesson. The lesson is that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. In the most extreme way, I had to learn to rely on myself to stay sane in a situation that would have panicked the toughest person. I think I did very well. Despite the fact that the arrest will eventually be deleted from computers all over the city, state and country, it will never be deleted from my mind. What I need to do is remember the positive lessons learned and let go of the ugly memories. Easier said than done but definitely doable. I'll try to update this more often.
As for the surgery I had last November, I had 20 staples in me when I finally was released from the hospital. I had them removed a week later. They had hoped to do the surgery laproscopically but when my appendix burst, what was left attached to the intestines flew behind my intestines so the surgeon had to take my intestines out of my body and get to the appendix so he could remove it. I'll write again.
