My name is Max. I'm 43 years old and I've battled panic disorder and bashful bladder syndrome since I was a little boy. I didn't know that either disorder had a name until very recently. I learned about panic disorder in 1987 at the age of 26 and I learned about bashful bladder syndrome (aka paruresis) January 2004 at the age of 41. I've been on so many medications it would take a blog entry just to list them. I have been in psychotherapy for it since 1986. It affected my job to the point that I've been on medical leave for four years (minus four months i worked last year). The panic problem wouldn't be so bad if that was the extent of the problem but bashful bladder syndrome presents a litany of problems of its own that makes panic disorder a walk in the park except for the fact that my bashful bladder syndrome causes panic attacks.
So what is bashful bladder syndrome? For me, it's the inability to urinate in a public bathroom under any stress whatsoever, whether it be time constraints, someone waiting for me, or knowing that I'm in a very busy packed loud building like a sports arena or baseball park.
I just learned about treating it with cognitive behavior therapy last year (2004) and have been in CBT for a year so far. It's a long road I have to travel. The therapist introduces me to mental tools I can use but ultimately it's up to me to use them and to find success on my own. It's not a fight as some would think. That's not how you deal with it. You don't fight it. You ACCEPT it as part of who you are and move on ANYWAY. A good book that describes it better is "Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers MD.
I've landed in the emergency room a total of five times to be catherized because the bashful bladder problem got so bad i couldn't even urinate at home. I was in the ER three times in 1987 and twice in 2004. Ultimately they taught me how to self-catherize. Recently I've chosen to decide never to land in the ER for this condition again and never to be catherized again. I don't need it. If I have to wander off by myself and deal with it with nobody around, then so be it. Whatever it takes, that's what I'll do. Desperation has a way of helping you find a way where none existed before.
3 comments:
I too have suffered with Bashful Bladder for a long time and I understand how debilitating it can be. I wish you every success in overcoming your challenges.
Like Donny, I have found the pages of the International Paruresis association (www.paruresis.org) very helpful.
Like you, I'm also trying to document my recovery (http://shybladder.blogspot.com).
Good luck, you're not alone in your struggles.
I have had a pretty extreme case of paruresis for about 10 years now. I don't really know when it started so I'm not sure. I know what it's like going to the hospital and getting catheterized. Just the thought of having to explain it to the whole staff again freaks me out. Being able to read about your progress is really helpful. It's good to know that someone out there has gone through this and gotten better. I am doing a blog on my paruresis too http://paruresisdisability.blogspot.com
Keep posting!
Hi!
I applaud your courage in writing this blog! Paruresis is a painful problem-- people have no idea.
I wanted to share that there are (free) telephone support groups for paruresis (and other kinds of social anxiety too), the groups really help in overcoming these problems: http://www.healsocialanxiety.com
They have helped me a lot, my own problem is a not better now. Very best, JPM
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