This past Sunday, we had a fire in our apartment building five floors below us. At one point, we thought we were going to die. Then after we got out safely, we thought our cat, who were forced to leave behind, was dead. While we all got out safely, unfortunately, one young woman in her 30s was,killed by smoke inhalation and carbon monoxide poisoning. We live on the 17th floor of a 21 floor building. We had to run down 17 flights of stairs. The exertion plus the fear caused me to start to panic but I had to shrug it off temporarily otherwise the hyperventilation would have caused me to inhale too much smoke. We were shaky all week, jumping at every noise. I was emotional, knowing how close we all got to death. I took a week off of work to try to collect myself and help Leanne and I regain our center and our feelings of safety and security. The apartment management has gone all out, providing dinner for everyone all week plus free laundry and free dry cleaning. The woman who died, did so on an elevator so that elevator was damaged. She didn't know there was a fire and by the time she learned about it, she was dead. I feel bad about her dying.
I also felt bad that here I am facing death for the second time in less than 3 months (third time in five years) and my family is nowhere to be found. I guess they no longer care about me, if they ever did. I guess it was all about what I could do for them and when I decided to stop giving them and go get myself a life with Leanne, they wrote me off. I have to find a way to accept their decision and let them go in peace. I'm not sure how that will look, feel, sound, etc but I'm working on that next. The only family I now have is Leanne and our cat, Jacob.
In my next blog, I'll discuss more about Dialectic Behavior Therapy.
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