Yesterday at McCormick Place East in Chicago, IL

Yesterday my sister and I joined thousands of other people for a citywide community event at McCormick Place East. There was a videotaped message from Mayor Daley. Then his wife Maggie Daley spoke, then Superintendent of Police Phil Cline spoke. We had news anchors from channel 2 and 5 as special hosts. When all the speeches were done, we got to go to two workshops of our choice. We had over 20 to pick from. I was panicky from the time we got there at around 8 to the time we left around 1:30 but the last hour was the worst. That was when I found out that the only "out" I had if I wanted to leave early was to walk nearly a mile to catch a bus or cab home. I stood the hour. Battling the panic and the bashful bladder problems were very tough. It took every tool I had in my arsenal, from thought challenging to breathing exercises and more. I somehow made the whole thing. I don't know if I'll return next year but then I have a year to make that decision. I did learn that panic doesn't have to limit what I do or what decisions I make. I did take my meds and towards the end, I managed to even eat a little bit. I amazed myself but I did restrict my fluid intake. A few times I thought I was going to pass out because during the whole five hours I didn't have a drop to drink (well that's not entirely true..I did drink a half glass of water in the last hour or so). Another thing that happened was taking a walk around the floor we were on and also going outside and seeing the lakefront helped. Most people I've told this to congratuated me but I feel depressed I'm still having panic problems. I thought that was behind me but if nothing else, this much I know. I know how far I've come and I know where I am now in my progress and how much more I have to do. I'm not sorry I went though because I got a nice carrying bag and a nice pen for my trouble. :)

Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist in the afternoon and I have a youth subcommittee meeting I chair tomorrow night. I'm going to try to make both appointments. Anxiety can sometimes be very rough and I hate it. I hope to overcome it but I'm guessing it's one day at a time.