Friday, June 10, 2005
Another panic/bashful bladder episode
I just had the week from hell. I spent a week panicking and it made the paruresis act up. So there I was curled up in a little ball either on my bed or in my frontroom on the loveseat shivering. Day after day I prayed for relief and day after day I fought my way through the day. I didn't want to be around anyone and I was hypersensitive to noise and light. I have reason to believe that this episode, like the one last year, revolved around letting someone move in with me, this time temporarily. I had gotten screwed in the past and was afraid of getting screwed again. I should have realized this time, it was family and none of them would screw me (I hope). It took a bit but what got me out of the episode was classical music and a resolve that I would push myself out of my bed or love seat and back into my life. Little by little I accomplished this. I'm not totally back but I'm getting there. I urinate now with a minimum of effort which ensures I don't have another panic attack. The problem now is that I have what I call a reverse panic episode which means that I fear those things that provided me comfort during the panic episode.....my bed, classical music, staying inside too long, because I don't want to return from where I've already been. Yesterday I walked up and down my block. Today I ran a few errands close to home. Tomorrow I'm trying to set a goal to either go to Aldi's or to TJ's and if I go to TJ's I'll eat and practice using the bathroom there. If I go to Aldi's, I'll make sure to drink a lot at home so that when I get there I can use Aldi's bathroom. I have to get back to practicing using bathrooms in public places. I'll keep you posted.
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2 comments:
Hey - just ran across your blog today. I also have both paruresis and a history of panic attacks. I saw a Cog. Beh. Therapist and got some great help with lessening my fear of panic attacks, but he was unable to help me wih my shy bladder. Later had a group therapy session put together by te IPA for paruresis but had no luck because my particular phobia (I call paruresis 'my phobia') was and still is much stronger than the other guys - they just had trouble using urinals with others around but I can't go at all if anyone is in the room or in listening distance outside it.
As far as your problem with having someone living with you, I can really relate. I'm getting married next month and although she is very understanding about my anxieties, I'm still nervous about losisng my 'safety zone'.
Good luck with your struggle!
Very interesting reading your posts. I have to say that I wouldn't say i suffer at all from panic attacks, but I do have paruresis and have had it all my life.
I feel like I'm much improved to a few years ago having acted on the advice of a clinical psychologist. She worked a great deal on how I felt about myself. I was able to stop feeling like I was "wierd" for not being able to pee and that really helped.
It's a long road, but any improvement allows a great deal more freedom into your life.
Good luck to you all. For more info, visit:
http://www.overcomingshybladder.com
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