Yesterday at McCormick Place East in Chicago, IL

Yesterday my sister and I joined thousands of other people for a citywide community event at McCormick Place East. There was a videotaped message from Mayor Daley. Then his wife Maggie Daley spoke, then Superintendent of Police Phil Cline spoke. We had news anchors from channel 2 and 5 as special hosts. When all the speeches were done, we got to go to two workshops of our choice. We had over 20 to pick from. I was panicky from the time we got there at around 8 to the time we left around 1:30 but the last hour was the worst. That was when I found out that the only "out" I had if I wanted to leave early was to walk nearly a mile to catch a bus or cab home. I stood the hour. Battling the panic and the bashful bladder problems were very tough. It took every tool I had in my arsenal, from thought challenging to breathing exercises and more. I somehow made the whole thing. I don't know if I'll return next year but then I have a year to make that decision. I did learn that panic doesn't have to limit what I do or what decisions I make. I did take my meds and towards the end, I managed to even eat a little bit. I amazed myself but I did restrict my fluid intake. A few times I thought I was going to pass out because during the whole five hours I didn't have a drop to drink (well that's not entirely true..I did drink a half glass of water in the last hour or so). Another thing that happened was taking a walk around the floor we were on and also going outside and seeing the lakefront helped. Most people I've told this to congratuated me but I feel depressed I'm still having panic problems. I thought that was behind me but if nothing else, this much I know. I know how far I've come and I know where I am now in my progress and how much more I have to do. I'm not sorry I went though because I got a nice carrying bag and a nice pen for my trouble. :)

Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist in the afternoon and I have a youth subcommittee meeting I chair tomorrow night. I'm going to try to make both appointments. Anxiety can sometimes be very rough and I hate it. I hope to overcome it but I'm guessing it's one day at a time.

CAPS Appreciation Day

Yesterday I attended something that I helped organize. The CAPS (Chicago Alternative Policing Strategy) program brings the police and the community together for the common good so that we can work together to make our neighborhoods clean and safe. Well yesterday we had CAPS Partnership Day, a day to appreciate what CAPS offers to the community and to meet the officers who work in Neighborhood Relations. It was a huge success as we had approximately 500 people attend from all over the district. I ran from one side of the parking lot (where we held it) to the other doing different things and this was no small lot. Running out of breath on occasion created panic attacks but I didn't let them stop me. I merely took a time-out, did my breathing exercises, saw some very friendly faces and I relaxed. I'm learning all kinds of new things in cognitive behavior therapy and putting them to good use. I'm very proud of myself for getting through yesterday. It was definitely a milestone. And to add to it, towards the end of the day, I went to the station to use the bathroom and had no anxiety at all for the first time. I'm a happy guy with how that turned out.